2012 is supposed to bring the apocalypse. I know you’ve heard this because there was a whole movie made about it that brought fear and panic into our lives for a month until most of us pushed it to the back of our minds. It was pretty awesome in terms of action, but not worth the $15 movie ticket price.
I had a conversation with my mom a few weeks ago while she was visiting in Seattle. She and I had very tumultuous 2011s that brought around a lot of soul searching and reason digging. Those things you do when you just don’t understand why the universe has dealt you this particular hand for this round. We were talking about 2012 and how we hope for do-overs this year and how if the world was going to end in December how we’d be damned if we lived our last 12 months in fear and hesitation and self-loathing. And then I shared my theory with her about how 2011 was ultimately cosmic prep not for the end of the world, but for a shift of epic proportions that would rock the world as we know it. She commented on my wisdom and I commented on how I got it from her and then we moved on to other topics.
But do you feel it? I feel it. I feel like we are on the edge of something and I just can’t place my finger on it, but I know it’s going to happen soon for better or for worse, but most likely for the better.
2012 has started with a vow of simplification for myself. Not in a Kim Kardashian way, because my life is already epically more simple than hers (I have no desire to try and plan a $17 million wedding–fake or not).
I made a vow to myself to stop judging myself so harshly, specifically with my weight. I was sick of stepping on the scale and measuring my self-worth with the number reflected back at me. I have been practicing by eating what I want, when I want it, and paying attention to my body and how it needs to be handled–kid gloves or steel wool.
I am already surprised by the clarity and love I have received through this method of living. My boyfriend and I are in the best place our relationship has ever been despite the fact we start the year with 2 1/2 weeks without seeing each other for more than 20 minutes at a time. I feel healthy and like I respect my body in ways I never have before. I’m establishing strong boundaries with loved ones that seem to be holding just fine. My work is great even though I just went 10 days of 10-11 hours long each without a day off and only about 3 hours total of wanting to kill any fellow stage manager at any moment (I love my Oklahoma team!!!!).
Anyway…I just wanted to reflect on how lovely life is when you simply ask “What do I really want? And what is the easiest way I can do that?”